You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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