So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
