Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
"it" just moved
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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