how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
