I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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