its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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