Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
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I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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