Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
