You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
