Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
