he thought i was a dude.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
