I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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