Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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