stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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