i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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