whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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