Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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