Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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