so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
