But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
