Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
