he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We were destined to go to rehab together
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
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