Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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