Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize