I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
