Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
someone owes me an orgasm
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
