What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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