WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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