I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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