I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
