My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I cut my penus on the lid.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
