remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
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