Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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