Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
