did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Two words: blizzard sex
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
