She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
