she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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