...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Blood and glitter go together right?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
