Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
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I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
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