they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
