you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
