This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
