I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
