Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
