im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
