apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
