Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
