Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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