you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
