what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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