It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
