did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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