I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
