your room smells of hookers.
And success
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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