She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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