I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
