3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
