Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize