first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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