u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
