i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
