I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
