a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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