Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
