I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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