By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
