My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
