I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
What a dumb baby whore.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
