Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
