All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
