So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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