If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
