If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We are two peas in an std pod
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
