if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
