watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
