At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Randomize
