You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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