I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
