One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
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I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
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Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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